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| Dear xanga,
I never ment it to end like that. I want us to work. I really do.
Please take me back?
-Cody
P.S. Myspace is just a friend, i swear!
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| Well it seems that i suck at updating...been another 2 months and y'all haven't heard a peep out of me.
Well time for change I say!
Summer's almost here and with Summer comes free time. Or so you'd think...
My parents are wanting me to get a second job at "MyComputerGuy", a place where they repair personal computers and also set up large businesses with networks, servers, workstations and the such. Good part is that it pays $10 entry, $12 after 60 days, and $15 once school starts. Perrrty swell.
I'm Moving!!
Thats right, as of Friday, we now have a 2 year old 2 story house in Rowlett (off Dalrock). I actually only saw it yesterday, but still, it's quite nice. I'll show pictures of it later but we're planning on putting in a pool, upgrading our TV room with a projector, our realtor gave us a 32" LCD screen for our living room, and much more. Also I live right across the street from the hotness CHAD! It's awesome.
NO MORE BRACES!!
Mine and Emi's 9 month is coming up sooooon...
16 more days....
I got my iPod fixed...well, they just sent me a new one after like a month of waiting. Instead of getting a laptop I bought parts to build a mini PC, but it's failing to work. I had Paul approve it instead of Brian, and really it was only about 50 bucks cheaper than the laptops i was showing Brian. Guess I learned my lesson.
That's it for now, peace!
Words can't describe how much she means to me
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| So it's been about 2 months since my last entry. Really, if you have better things to do than read my entry, enjoy the reader's digest version:
Wake up
School
Work
Church/Emily/Projects
Sleep
Now for some catching up...
The last entry isn't something I like to bring up very often because it still kinda hurts to think about it. The short version is that me and Emily did get back together. Probably within 48 hours of that entry. I've gotten a lot of "why would you take her back?" and even a few "She's not allowed in this house. Ever." In some ways it makes me feel great that my family and friends really care about me. But there's also those people that know EXACTLY why I took her back. It's because I love her. I've got so much trust in her and when I look at her I can tell that she needs me and that I need her. Just those few days without her I got to remember what it was like without her and I hated it. Simply HATED it.
I love her. So, so much. And I dont think I could ever let her go.
But lets get off that topic, it's old news and has been long forgotten. WINTERBALL ROCKED SOOOO MUCH! I LOVED IT!! Quite possibly the best night of my life. Thank you SOOO much Alana Hodges, you we're the hottest date there!
Work has been alright. Was going to get a laptop, but when I showed Brian prices ($900-1200) of the ones I wanted, he said they were too much and told be to look more in the $500 range. Lets do some simple math here:
Laptop + $500 = IMPOSSIBLE
So I told him today that maybe we should just look into buying me a shuttle...
Anybody? Sure I said I'd never bring a Mac into my home, but who said I'd never bring one to work?!  Of course I'm not very impressed by their stats....we'll see. I'll need Matt to convince me into getting it.
Speaking of Macs...ipod rumor...
iTunes has it's first full movie (High School Musical) in the store. And since my ipod has this on the screen:
It's about time for a new iPod  .
Not sure if I ever posted it but I modded my PS2 to play burned games . You know what that means?? Lots and lots of downloading of games. It's so much fun!
I lost the ending to this entry thanks to Xanga, you whores.
DECA STATE COMP ROCKED!! Steven tried to eat a 72 oz steak, I went rock climbing, and we all sucked horribly and didn't win anything.
I'm going to close with a bunch of pictures from the past 2 months. Enjoy!
   
   
   
   
 I love Her.
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| I always try to avoid this entry. It's not something I enjoy and when it's all said and done, i put a lot of anger into it and when I'm done I feel a lot better, but a lot of people are upset afterwards...so I think I'm going to change it up. (Sorry if you have dial-up)
So here's me and Emily and even though i look like a retard in that picture, it kinda shows me how we felt about each other. That was the Sunday night when we spent the whole day together, it was truly amazing, watched the sunset, went to the park, went out to eat (and by out to eat I mean Wendys and McDonald's), we got ice cream from the ice cream man that was at the park even though she's scared of ice cream men (hehe and he kept talking to her and she's freaking out). It was just an amazing day. Only one bad thing happened and it was at the
end of the night. But first, let me give some background details...
Wednesday night when we we're leaving church, Emily got in my car and just started balling. After some time she told me that she felt that everything i said to her was a put down and that everything she did wasn't good enough for me. We talked about it and I really didn't feel that what she said was really my doing and that there was no way that I could make her hurt so much. But I told her that I'd work on it and that I was very sorry i was making her feel that way. She said she had been feeling this way for weeks, staying up nights crying over me, hurting herself over me. It hurt. It hurt to know that I had hurt the girl i care about most. I asked her why she didn't tell me sooner. She said something to the extent that it was hard. That night she told me she was going to be late to the shore the next day because she had to go to tutorials. Told her it was no problem and the next day that was the case.
Skip some days and Saturday morning, about 8, she calls me and tell me that if she didn't tell me this now, she knew she wouldn't ever tell me. Then she told me that she lied to me about her being late on Thursday and actually went and hung out with this guy Jordan. And they kissed. We talked about it...and I was hurt, I never had somebody cheat on me before. It just repeated in my head that for those few seconds, she didn't care about me and that she cared about that other guy more than me. We talked more and I knew it had to have been hard to tell me. Most guys/girls never tell the other person. In fact, when she talked to her mom about what all was going on, her mom told her not to tell me and that it would be the worst thing she could do. I really respect Emily for that. Especially since afterwards when she told her mom she had told me, her mom yelled at her telling her that all she does is make wrong decisions and how she can't do anything right. I never liked her mom, but that really makes me sick. Anyways back to where I was, I respected Emily telling me that and I told her that it was something that I NEVER expected her to do. EVER. I told her that I was really hurt and she told me she did it because she was mad at me, which is never a reason to cheat on anybody. Not that there's a good reason, but she had only told me the day before that she was mad at me. And we talked and I thought worked it out. There was nothing I could have done to prevent it from happening.
We ended the conversation and I really just stayed home all day, thinking about her, thinking about us. At the end of the day, I felt that we could look past it. That sometimes you just get that upset and just don't think of what your doing. I wanted her to have a second chance, I wanted her to understand that I loved her so much that I would look right past it.
Back to where I was before, we're at the park on Sunday and I told her that she had really hurt me and I wanted us to work so badly but if it ever were to happen again, it would be over between us. She started crying and just threw me off of her when I would try to help calm her down. Then she started having pains in her stomach, like she was about to throw up. And it was all over what I said. After some time she calmed down and we went for a walk. I told her I just wanted her to know how I felt. She said that she already felt like crap for all of it and that I wasn't helping. We talked more, and really worked things out. I dropped her off at her house an hour later (10 PM) and went home, talking to her on the way home and then into the night. Monday (MLK Day) I had to work so I called her when i woke up which was around noon and talked to her as much as I could before I had to leave. Everything was good. Went to work, thought about her all day, then when I left I wanted to go and see her, so I called her and she didn't answer. Went home, calling her every half hour/ hour just to see how she was. Midnight rolls around and I'm laying in bed wondering where she is and trying to sleep but not getting anywhere. One in the morning I get a text message saying it's over and that she's sorry and that she just got home from a hockey game with some friends. I called her over and over and she wouldn't answer so i texted her back and all she would say is that she's sorry but she has to. At 1:30 I'm sobbing wishing this was just a bad dream. She called me at 2 and i kept asking why and she said that we just need a break and that we both have such an impact on each other that it's unhealthy. We started talking about the night before and I said how it was so perfect, why would she end it after that and had I been making her feel bad about herself, had i changed. She said I didn't do anything to make her feel bad and that I had changed but after her crying so hard that she almost threw up she realized that I had too much of an effect on her. I told her I just wanted her to know that I just wanted her to know how I felt and that I was just really hurt. And she said "Well ya know what? I happened again!" She told me that night she was with Jordan at his hockey game and that she kissed him again. It felt like (and I'll use Christina's example) somebody had took a knife, cut my chest open, pulled it open, shoved salt and poured vinegar in it and closed it up to burn every part of my body. It hurt. And I cried. And she didn't really seem to care. I told her how much I loved her, and that I'd never do that to her. And yelled how she doesn't even care about me or how I feel. How she never wanted it to work. And how I never expected her to do this, how I miss the old Emily, the one I was so in love with.
 The rest isn't important. We talked late into the night, until about 5. Spent the day with my head down, alone (or what felt like it), slept, thought about her, thought about what I could have done differently, thought maybe we can still make it work, thought I don't deserve this.
Went to work, hated it. Hated life. Hated to not be with her. Didn't really do anything. Just found a place where I could be alone and stayed there.
Wednesday I talked to Christina and you can't believe how much it helped. She really showed that she cared and gave some great advice. Thank you Chris.
Been eating at Mcy D's with Chris when I can, playing games, getting my mind off of it all.
School sucks, especially when you have teachers who sit infront of the computer all day. Coach Rigby knows less about history than I do.
Rosanna's birthday was on Tuesday! What is she 4 now?
Ross' Shoe
I'm waiting for the next DG with Trent and Daniel. I think it'll help get things off my chest.
Me, Sara, Ross, and Mandi? (not sure if she's coming anymore) are going to the zoo on Sunday and we're gonna go get raped in Dallas! Woo!
 Winterball is in ONE WEEK!!! I've got the hottest date there! Today we're going to go shopping for a shirt for me and shoes for her so we can match!! She's got a really amazing dress, black with white poka dots! Hehehe, love her to death, she's totally the most amazing friend I've ever had.
So maybe the entry isn't very different from all the rest. It's kinda hard to change these, they just suck all the way around. Right now how do i feel? I still love her and I still want to be with er. But i dont trust her. We'll see if things work out the way I wish they would, but that wil only come with time, so until then, pray for me. Please...
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| So the holidays are over, back from the lovely PA trip, saw
snow and got sick midway through it (had an upper respiratory infection).
Really…there’s not a whole lot of good I can say that I got out of this break.
Nothing really all that great happened. But I guess I can go over it real quick
anyways…
PA : The coolest thing we did was go tubing (snow tubing,
not “Hey lets go submerge ourselves in murky Lake Ray Hubbard” tubing) probably
cause I had never done it before. I got to see my 95 and 90 year old
great-grandmas, they’re so sweet. I did a lot of computer work while I was up
there and got quite a bit of money for it too. Overall I guess it was a good
trip, just not an ideal vacation, especially the getting sick part. That really
blew. But I can’t see myself wanting to go back anytime soon.
Emi and I had our 4 month on Christmas Day! Woo!
The period from getting home and new years I spent sick. So
with as little detail as possible, I was sick. Went to the doctor. He said “Well
Cody, you’re sick.” Then charged me $40 bucks. Thanks doc.
New Years : I took Emi to Sara Dawwwwbie’s house and we
watched Edward Sissorhands and South
Park episodes until midnight
while some of the girls (including Emi) played on the weegie board. Not really
into that whole thing so I stayed away from it. Both me and Emi had a lot of
fun, props to Sara for the fun party.
New Job : So my official title is IT Administrator.
Doesn’t that sound amazing?! MUCH better than Checker. Ha! Well today was my
first day, didn’t really do a whole lot, fixed one computer the whole day and
got to know how everything is run. Had a 4 hour day and got to go home before 5!! And the best part is, I’ll still make as much money as I was at
T squared. Anyways, good job for me, like it. Me and my boss, Brian, talk about
gaming too, so it’s quite fun!
My car works, got it back today, turned out to be some
wiring issues so they got it all fixed ($100 bucks later). School starts
tomorrow, whoopee. That’s about it for now, peace! She's so beautiful...
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